DESPERATION

I have to admit that trusting is not one of my strong suits, however, getting played, screwed, and taken advantage of is.  I can’t believe I put myself in yet another position that has left me feeling perplexed, and vulnerable.  I thought I was making the right choice and now looking back I believed the Holy Spirit may have sent a warning which I choose to listen to and then at the last minute thought maybe I was tripping.  So many red flags and yet I dove myself deeper into despair.  Wow! What an amazing week I’ll tell you about later.  Once again I come to God, desperately needing sound wisdom and for Him to come rescue me from my mistake.  I guess I still have some growing up to do.  Having been sheltered for so long and not really knowing the way of the street can be difficult when making decisions about your life.  I can’t say that I won’t make any more mistakes but I can say I will be watching more closely so that I won’t get bamboozled again.  It’s amazing the people that God is surrounding me with to be of assistance.  I once thought that many people didn’t really care for me so I kept my distance and instead attached myself to those who I thought did.  I know God has a greater plan for me and that’s why I’m experiencing these challenges.  They are new to me and I’m learning how to cope and survive.  My emotions aren’t all over the place and I am able to control how I feel which in time past my feelings and emotions controlled me.  It’s a growing process and healing is still taking place.  I encourage everyone who is experience difficulty during this time whether financial, emotional, educational, spiritual, or physical, just know that God cares and He sees all.  In His appointed time, He will come through for you.  Your job is to go through and simply trust Him.  You can cry, scream, be sad, or whatever you need to do to help you cope, just please DON’T GIVE UP! #FromLonerToLeader

Out Of The Box

I can’t say I know how one feels when locked up behind bars.  However, I can definitely relate to someone who feels or has ever felt trapped inside of their own mind.  It’s an invisible box that keeps you trapped and stuck between four walls.  There’s nowhere to go and no room to move.  This was me for twelve years.  I was not only trapped inside a box but I was suffocating from depression, emotional abuse, suicidal thoughts & attempts, anger, bitterness, and guilt.  A rage had built up inside of me so strong that anything could set it off.  I am grateful to God for allowing me to regurgitate this madness and begin the process of healing.  I started this process about five months ago.  I caution those who are ready to be free to embrace yourself because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.  The process of healing doesn’t happen overnight and Tinkerbell doesn’t come and sprinkle fairy dust over you and the pain magically disappears.  On the contrary, you have to first admit the pain and accept that you have experienced it.  Many emotions arise like anger, guilt, frustration, confusion, and sadness.  For me this was the hardest part.  I would cry out of the blue or remember something and get angry.  I felt like dying because the pain was too much to bear.  I was a walking zombie living in darkness too afraid to see the light.  Thank God for my family.  You definitely need a support team when going through this process.  Once you make it past this step you’re able to think clearly.  You can now see what you can do to change and better your situation.  Forgiveness is possible at this point and you realize no one is to blame.  Everything happens for a reason and God allows things to take place in our lives to test us and show us who He is.  Freedom is the final step towards healing.  Here is where you can begin your journey towards happiness and fulfill the plan that God has for your life.  I don’t care what anyone says you need God and a support team in order to truly be free.  Trust me it feels good to be free.  Only when you’re truly ready to take this step can God meet you half way.  I’m not all the way there yet but I’m not where I started.  My path is clear and I can see the light.  I want to live and I know I have purpose.  So I say to you be strong, be courageous, trust God, encourage yourself, choose life, choose freedom, and find your happiness.  Peace & Blessings #FromLonerToLeader

From Loner to Leader

Here is my first magazine interview with ontherisemagazine.com. Check it out! From Loner to Leader.

The Journey Begins

It’s been a really great and challenging two weeks.  God provided a ram in the bush and I was able to stay at my aunt’s this week, so no sleeping in my car and the hotel, yay (lol). I know God has something great in store for me and good things do come to those who wait.  I am reminded that no good deed goes unrewarded.  I have sown good seeds and it’s time for me to reap the harvest.  School is going great, after getting my feet wet last week.  I love all my teachers who are knowledgeable in the field of education.  Their experience will help pave the way for me to become a powerful educator myself.  Student teaching is different especially working with kindergarten.  They are all so cute and adorable and I have to stay on my feet to keep up with them, but I’m loving it.  Only God knows the future for my life and I do have many dreams and aspirations.  Last Friday was my very first experience doing a magazine interview for http://www.ontherisemagazine.com.  It truly was a blessing and a beginning of what God is getting ready to take me through as I fulfill my ministry in writing. This is a new life for me and a new career yet I am excited for what’s in store.  Remember, life takes us through many cycles and God uses us at different times and seasons in a variety of areas, so hold on, let Jesus take the wheel and you be the passenger in the back seat.  Peace & Blessings! #fromlonertoleader

God’s Glory & Greatness

I managed to make it through my first week of school, my first week of being out on my own, and my first week of my new life alone.  I tell you from sleeping in my car, to sleeping at the hotel, trying to find a room to rent, staying at my cousins, getting ready to go to my aunt’s, I have to admit I’m a survivor.  All sorts of new emotions overwhelmed me, especially when I got lost yesterday coming from Dana Point trying to get to school. I was so turned around and sadly I was late for my first class.  Thankfully, I made it and my teacher was nice.  I’m excited to be attending Pepperdine University and I know I’ll be a magnificent teacher someday.  Not too much homework, lots of reading, and three days of student teaching.  One week down thirteen more to go.  In addition to school, I’m excited about upcoming events for my book. I have a magazine interview this Friday, a photo shoot at the end of January, my first book signing in February, and my book release party in April.  God is good and He always takes care of me.  I’m finally living my dream and I couldn’t have done it without God, my mother, my siblings, my Grandmother, my aunts & uncles, my cousins, my god family, and my friends.  I am truly blessed.  Remember, life will always throw obstacles in our way but how you overcome those obstacles is what makes you who you are. Peace & Blessings! #FromLonertoLeader

From Loner to Leader

I’ve come along way these past few months from where I started. God has truly opened my eyes to many things. I see the world in a whole new light. I was in darkness for so long I’d forgotten what it was like to see. I had to learn all over, I’m still learning. Though I believe God has healed me, there are still many scars. Emotional abuse isn’t easy to get over and it’s even harder to forget. Taking it one day at a time is really all anyone can do. God is my everything and without Him there is no way I would have made it this far. Most of my relationships with my family have been restored and I’m still holding on to the faith that the rest will follow. But my life is now in God’s hands so it’s really up to Him. I definitely don’t want to be involved in any more unhealthy relationships we’ve all seen where that got me and how it affected me. I must be careful. I’m enjoying school here at Pepperdine University in Irvine, CA. I’m thanking God for this wonderful opportunity. I can’t wait for all the promises that God has made to me be manifested. I would like to see the world and just enjoy life. I want to do any and everything I can since I’ve missed out on so much. We only have one life to live and this is my chance to live, to love, to experience, and to be happy. Until we meet again, just remember God is always watching and He won’t ever fail. Peace and Blessings!