Still Waiting…..

I’m not sure exactly when my faith began to slip. But somehow I’ve lost sight of what God has promised me and I’ve become impatient with waiting on simple things that I desire and feel I deserve to happen. It has given me this attitude and chip on my shoulder that I cannot stand. I hate being this way and acting like this towards God after all that He’s done for me. I love God more than I love myself so this attitude has to change. Just because I’m on a journey to a new me doesn’t mean I have to act stinky. God has been so good to me and He has promised me so many things. Just because I don’t have exactly all the things I want yet doesn’t mean God has forgotten about me. It just sucks having to wait. But I understand that God only wants the best for me and waiting is not a punishment it’s to give me exactly what I desire. So why can’t I just be okay with that? Why do I feel the need to cry, complain, get discouraged, or irritated? I really need to check myself and allow God the time He needs to bless me the way He desires without getting on His nerves. Besides acting like this may hinder my blessings and cause me to have to wait longer and I hate acting like this. I try so hard to be perfect, kind, loving, and helping. Sometimes it’s so hard to do because I begin to look at my situation and compare it to other people. Being a leader is not what I signed up for, God called me to do this. Now I’m trying to follow His lead and be the best leader I can be. I hate that I make mistakes but I know that making mistakes is a part of the growth process. I felt this same way last year when I was trying to forgive everyone who ever hurt me and deal with that pain. Now I’m working on forgiving myself. I hate the choices I made in the past 12 years because it left me with nothing. I am still homeless although I’m not on the street thank God, my car is down so I have no reliable transportation, I had to quit school because I couldn’t afford it, and now I need a job but having a hard time finding one, I have bills that must be paid, and including student loans I’m $85,000 in debt and I still have no credential to teach. One thing after another has happened and I am exhausted. Yet for some strange reason, even with all this chaos I still believe everything will work out. This must be God’s plan for me. Most people who make it to the top have to reach rock bottom first. So, I figure this is my rock bottom. I am exposing my insecurities as well as my faith in God because I am human. I think people; especially saved ones should not feel bad when human feelings override their faith in God. It is a part of life and this is when God can really show up and show out. He can get the glory out of your misery. I know in my heart that God loves me and that everything that is taking place in my life good and bad is for a reason. When the time comes all my dreams will come true and God will get the glory. It is because of His strength that I am still alive today and trying to fight for my life and my dreams. Some days are easier than others but I know and believe that I will get through this. So I say to you that no matter what you are dealing with now and no matter how difficult it may feel, don’t give up, don’t lose hope, and keep trusting in God. I love this quote from the movie Facing the Giants “you keep fighting until you have nothing left to give”. Peace & Blessings #FromLonertoLeader