Well, it’s been a good year so far into the 6th month of my new journey. In 24 days I will be 31. It seems funny that just a year ago I became homeless, jobless, money less, and lost many family and friends because of my decisions. I have gained a lot in the process. One of the most important things that I have gained is my life back. God has been so good to. He has blessed me in school and blessed my finances. Although all of my prayers haven’t been answered yet and I am staying at a hotel, I truly believe that my blessings is on the way and the best is yet to come. God always keeps His promises to me no matter what and no matter how long. I am currently having From Loner to Leader editing for republishing. In addition, I am in the process of writing three more books entitled: Waiting on My Isaac, In My Appointed Time, and The Absent Father. I believe God has given me a word for His people who I will minister through writing. I pray to reach a huge audience that God can bless and use for His kingdom. I have some new dreams and have let some old dreams die. I am now determined more than ever to live my life to the fullest and win souls for the kingdom of God. I love God with everything in me and I am safe in His arms. Being married to God is one of the greatest decisions I made in my life even with all the bad that has taken place. I know in my heart that if God had not seen me through my tragedy I would not have made it out alive. I encourage everyone to find God and begin to build a relationship with Him. He is the answer to everything even when you think He isn’t there or doesn’t hear you. He loves you and He is the only one who can change you, make your situation better, and give you direction for your future. Hold on to your dreams, never give up, and keep living your life. Peace & Blessings #FromLonerToLeader
Here I am 30 going on 31 and I have been faced with what I think is the biggest decision of my life. My whole life I’ve wanted so much. I dreamt about all the things I was going to do while growing up. Then something happened in my childhood that changed my life. It almost killed me. I survived however the side effects still remain. I know God is with me but I feel He is leaving me to make this decision alone. I feel like He has given me two choices. I want both but I feel like somehow He has already told me I can only choose one path. I am scared to death that I will choose the wrong path and be miserable. I don’t know my future or what’s best for me. I just know what I want. If you have ever had this feeling or been at the crossroad then you know exactly what I’m feeling. No matter which path you choose, there are pros and cons and you have to give up something. The key to choosing the right path is knowing what you have the strength to live without. I am praying that God grants me the strength I need to make the right choice and that I am able to live with my choice and be the happiest woman on earth. Peace & Blessings #fromlonertoleader
Have you ever been confronted with a question that made you uncomfortable and puzzled? Well, recently I was asked did I do something that 1) the person should know me better than that 2) if I was guilty then trust me there would have been evidence. I’m sure you want to know what it was. My former roommate came to me one day looking distraught. She had told me a few days prior that someone had used her credit card and made many transactions. The credit card people had told her the charges were made on the East coast. I felt bad for her because whoever did it was rude. Unbeknownst to be she had asked me did I steal from her. I’m like are you serious. Why would I steal from you? First, of all I’m truly saved and I don’t go around stealing from people. Secondly, if I had stolen from her I would have made sure I had gas in my car because I was on empty, I would have paid my cell phone bill because it was off, and I would have bought me some groceries because I had none. Thirdly, I thought we were friends and the whole reason I was staying with her is because my money was stolen and I have to go to court to get it back. Why would I do the same thing that was done to me? SMH To make matter’s worse she had already assumed my guilt before asking because when I said no I wouldn’t do that she goes are you sure? I’m like yes I’m sure I would know. Then she goes well the charges were made on the East coast around the same time you went to your grandmother’s funeral. By this time I was really offended and confused. I couldn’t believe the words were coming out of her mouth. After everything I been through this semester at school, having $0.68 in my bank account and not being able to do my best on my assignments because I HAD NO MONEY she honestly thinks I stole from her. That means either she really didn’t trust me or her life is so consumed with her own issues that….well…..hmmm I don’t know exactly. I wanted to leave that night badly but I had nowhere to go, no money, and no phone. So, there I was stuck at her place. Later that evening after she had done some research and figured out it wasn’t me, she asked to speak with me. I was in a situation like this previously and the person did not give me the opportunity to speak, so I was not going to be like that. We talked and both shared how we felt. It all came down to the reality that we both have some emotional issues to work out and are in the process of being healed. We both have trust issues although hers is deeper than mine. We decided that not being friends wasn’t the solution to our problem. However, it was best that I move out. She gave me the money to get home to my family and I knew in my heart that once I got home everything would work out. My mother encouraged me and made me feel okay about my situation. I don’t like being homeless but I know in my heart that God has a greater plan for me. When God makes a promise to you, He always keeps it. I don’t know when my promise will be fulfilled I just know God promised me a home. So while I’m homeless I’m going to keep moving forward, keep pursuing my education, and keep doing all I know how to live right. Peace & Blessings! #fromlonertoleader
Okay, so there’s been so much talk about how to live saved, who’s saved, and who isn’t living right. It can be very confusing and frustrating because there are many people out there professing salvation and proclaiming to know the truth. I have been so confused for many years by the teachings I received and what I actually saw. If actions really do speak louder than words, than we as saints, Christians, and people of God are in serious trouble. We talk a good game but under the scope of things we are living a lie. We say one thing but do the opposite or we excuse certain people for whatever reason and only condemn those we feel aren’t living up to standard. But who created this standard? I thought we were supposed to be following the Bible which is inspired by God written through ordinary men He chose. The Bible gives us many accounts of people just like us trying to live right and have a relationship with God. We see their errors and are able to learn from them and hopefully not make the same mistake. It’s hard to live saved with some of the people who are supposed to be saved as well. They judge a lot and they do it quickly, usually harsh and blaming. That isn’t at all how God wants it. Yes, He doesn’t want us to mess up, yet He knows we will that’s why He shows us people in the Bible messing up and repenting. I am so tired of judging people including judging the people who are judging. Look, I’m not God and I can’t put you in any Hell or Heaven. I’m not perfectly living saved every day of my life though I try. The important thing is that YOU #1 Develop your own personal relationship with God where you talk to Him and fellowship with Him and pray to Him on a daily basis #2 Find a church, or group you can fellowship with to learn more biblical principles and daily living tips so that you can be successful on your walk with God #3 Read the Bible and search for understanding so that you can apply the Word to your life. You can do this by going to Bible study, reading additional books that break down the scripture, going to Bible school, and talking with Bible scholars #4 Don’t take everything you hear over the pulpit and in church at face value, but do respect leaders in the church, just make sure you’re obeying God and not man #5 Enjoy life and live a balanced one. We have many responsibilities that include having a relationship with God, working to eat and live, spending time with our families, getting an education, eating healthy and exercising, serving in our community, helping to make our world a better place, and most importantly loving ALL God’s people. Too much of anything is not a good thing. Again, I can’t tell you what to do all I know is what works for me. I can pray for you, encourage you, give you advice based on what I know and believe which has worked for me, but ultimately IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! Peace & Blessings #fromlonertoleader
This will probably be one of my longest blogs. The reason behind it is that I haven’t hardly blogged at all for March and there’s only one day left. A lot has taken place during March. School became overwhelming, I ran out of money, I filed a lawsuit against my ex-landlord to get my money back, one of my grandmother’s died, another one (who is my favorite) got diagnosed with breast cancer, I put aside my differences with everyone and forgave them, I changed from the one year track to the two year track at school, and I decided to be my own person and live my own life. With that said, my faith has really been tried this month. I’m a tough person on the outside but a baby on the inside. I do my best to stay positive and think positive. It isn’t always easy. I don’t like to cry because I feel like I’m showing a sign of weakness or doubt. But I do believe, it’s just that it’s hard facing some of my obstacles and adversities. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy road when I said “Yes” to God but I didn’t think it would be so difficult either. God has His own timing and he is currently perfecting me. I just have to be patient and allow Him the time He needs to make me into what He desires. He is very considerate of me because most times He warns me first. I sometimes wish I didn’t know when bad things were about to take place. Funny thing is, I still panic. I try to breathe and calm down so I can think but when the pressure is on I get anxiety. God help me! I did pass the test a few days ago when my car broke down twice. The first day I panicked and failed but the next day the same thing happened but I changed my attitude. God worked things out and my car is fine for the time being.
Looking back on my life, I’ve realized that everything that took place good and bad was meant to happen. Look at Joseph in the bible, if he hadn’t been taken into slavery because of his brothers, when the time came, the famine would have killed them all. But because Joseph had been in slavery and from there appointed one of the rulers in Egypt he was able to save his family. I’m the Joseph of my family. For twenty years I lived in bondage emotional and physically. But now I’m free. God is using me and blessing me to be a blessing for my family at their hour of need. Not everything God has promised to me has taken place but they are in the making because I can see them and feel them. I don’t like being in this position all the time but I don’t like telling God no either. My family is important to me and whatever I can do to help, I’m just glad I’m available.
Now I’m trying to figure out who am I and where do I belong. This is really something you do earlier in life but for the last twenty years I wasn’t living. I stopped living at age ten. So I missed out on years of emotional growth, which is probably why I’m so sensitive and take a lot of things personally. I over analyze things as well. I see now that my beliefs, values, and opinions have been shaped by many influences from society, my religious upbringing, my mom’s family, my dad’s family, my god family, my schools, and the media. I now have to sort through and sift out the good and throw the bad away. It may take some time but I’m up for the challenge. I have to relearn how to think for myself and formulate my own opinion about things. For so long when I voiced my opinion, values, or beliefs, I was rejected and made to feel like what I believed was not normal. I am ashamed that I’ve hidden who I truly am because of trying to fit in with everyone else and belong to people and places that didn’t accept me for who I was. It seems like they were always trying to change my outside and inside instead of encouraging me and pushing me to be myself. The people who were encouraging me to be me, I pushed them away because I did not value their wisdom. I often times don’t know who to trust or who to believe in because I’ve been tricked so many times. I’m afraid to get close and let my heart be hurt again. God has a lot of healing to do in me before I can be any good for anyone else.
I used to be firm in what I wanted out of life now I’m constantly changing with the wind. I desperately want to find my place in society and do what really makes me happy. I first have to figure out what true happiness is. This is definitely an interesting journey and I’m glad to share it to help others. One thing I know for sure I’m a great person who has many great abilities and when I get the chance I’m going to do everything in my power to change the universe. I don’t know when or how but with God’s help it will happen. Peace & Blessings! #fromlonertoleader
So I’m six months into the Journey to a New Me stage. I have grown a lot over the past six months. I’ve have some good times and some challenges but I’m glad for the process. The book is doing great and I’m thankful to God for that. Pepperdine University is a wonderful school and I’m learning many new things as an educator. I’ve changed some personal goals as I’ve reassessed my dreams. Freedom is calling my name, and at this point being tied down to one location makes me feel suffocated. I dream of riding free on a horse with the wind blowing in my hair. I picture myself walking along the wet, sandy beach barefooted without a care in the world. Then up ahead there’s a road that never ends. It has stops along the way, but it keeps me guessing what’s up ahead. This road is my ticket to freedom. With every bump, turn, twist, and surprise it has in store for me, I’m staying on this path until I find my true happiness.
Side note: I recently discovered some heartbreaking news about how someone was brutally murdered because of choices they made that weren’t bringing harm to anyone. Since when is it okay to take another’s life because they don’t believe or practice your values. I thought we had the right to choose our own paths as long as we aren’t breaking the law. God did not give us the authority to do His job. I like how Jesus put it when he put those men in check for trying to stone Mary Magdalene. He said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” We don’t have a heaven or hell to put anyone in. Besides that while you’re wasting time trying to condemn someone else and using all your energy to check everyone else for sinning, you end up sinning yourself. Mind your own business and just pray for them. We all have different belief systems and we value different things. Let God be the judge! You have no idea what He is working on behind the scenes. Keep your mouth off of people. God loves us all and he draws us with love and kindness not cruel words, intentions, and actions. I weep for all the people who have died, and suffered at the hands of want to be gods. I pray for their souls as well. God forgive me if I’ve caused anyone any harm and made them feel inadequate to deserve your love. You may not agree with their choice but what a person does is not your concern but the love you show them is!
Peace & Blessings #FromLonerToLeader
Many of you don’t know but I wrote my book proclaiming my freedom and a journey to a new me entitled, “From Loner to Leader” A Testament of How I Survived. The Last twelve of years of my life was a nightmare. Although some good things took place, I experienced many painful episodes in my life that left me depressed, angry, bitter, sad, and guilty. I was emotional abused by several people in my life whom I loved dearly and admired. Worst of all I tried to commit suicide and when it didn’t work I still had thoughts of trying it again. Funny story, I actually thought of ways to kill myself. I thought about jumping off a bridge, but I’m scared of sharks and instead of drowning I thought I shark would attack me. Then I thought about shooting myself, only I had no gun and I was worried that if it didn’t work I could end up paralyzed. I also thought about slicing my wrists only I wasn’t sure exactly wear to cut and if it didn’t work I would need stitches and be left with an ugly scar. So I chose to overdose on pills, only it didn’t work. I did sleep for a few days but as you can see I’m still here. For many years, I walked around in darkness as if I was a zombie. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, or at least I saw none. I was blinded by my pain which left no room for happiness. I ruined many relationships and lost sight of who I was. God sent a way for me to escape many times, but I was so accustomed to the abuse that when I would leave, I would slowly find myself back into the same situation or one similar. I didn’t know who Jasmine was and I’m still learning. Without God I wouldn’t have made it this far. I wrote this book as a way to free myself from these years of pain, devastation, and loss. Towards the end of the twelve year battle, a light began to come on and the real me begin to fight its way out. Once I decided I wanted to be free I thought that was it. Everything would go back to normal and I would be happy. Unfortunately, that’s not how the healing process works. It took me a few months to understand this, but after talking with my mom and siblings, I realized I was on the journey to happiness, the journey to a new me. My prayer and hope is that those who are out there struggling with all, some, or more of what I experienced, will find peace in the midst of their situation, and hope to know that there is a way of escape. I pray that on the journey to a life full of happiness, everyone who reads this book will find some connection with God and build an intimate relationship with Him. Though I still have barriers to overcome, as my healing comes to a close, I believe that God is with me and will guide me every step of the way. My story is not finished and I am already working on the sequel entitled, “In My Appointed Time.” I know in my heart that if God can and has changed my life, He can do the same for you. Peace and Blessings! #FromLonerToLeader
Unbelievable! I have to give credit to the devil. I have been experiencing some heart wrenching obstacles ever since I made my move one thing after another. It seems like just as soon as I get over one hurdle, two more show up in its place, smh. I didn’t recognize what was taking place at first. Honestly, I was perplexed. I’m like “God I did everything you said and still I’m faced with adversity”. Of course, God and His awesome power and majesty, sent down His love and guidance to protect me. However, today I realized the enemy is mad at me and so he’s bringing everything he’s got to pull me down. Funny thing though, he’s really only helping me. What he fails to realize is that the more he attacks me and brings obstacles and I overcome them and hold on to the strength God has given me, the more God will send down His blessings. So I say to the devil “thank you”! I know I will make it through this; it’s only a test of my strength and character. God will see me through just like He has done in the past. My words of encouragement to you are to stay strong, keep your head up, and don’t forget to thank the devil for helping you to get more blessings from God. Peace & Blessings! #FromLonerToLeader
I have to admit that trusting is not one of my strong suits, however, getting played, screwed, and taken advantage of is. I can’t believe I put myself in yet another position that has left me feeling perplexed, and vulnerable. I thought I was making the right choice and now looking back I believed the Holy Spirit may have sent a warning which I choose to listen to and then at the last minute thought maybe I was tripping. So many red flags and yet I dove myself deeper into despair. Wow! What an amazing week I’ll tell you about later. Once again I come to God, desperately needing sound wisdom and for Him to come rescue me from my mistake. I guess I still have some growing up to do. Having been sheltered for so long and not really knowing the way of the street can be difficult when making decisions about your life. I can’t say that I won’t make any more mistakes but I can say I will be watching more closely so that I won’t get bamboozled again. It’s amazing the people that God is surrounding me with to be of assistance. I once thought that many people didn’t really care for me so I kept my distance and instead attached myself to those who I thought did. I know God has a greater plan for me and that’s why I’m experiencing these challenges. They are new to me and I’m learning how to cope and survive. My emotions aren’t all over the place and I am able to control how I feel which in time past my feelings and emotions controlled me. It’s a growing process and healing is still taking place. I encourage everyone who is experience difficulty during this time whether financial, emotional, educational, spiritual, or physical, just know that God cares and He sees all. In His appointed time, He will come through for you. Your job is to go through and simply trust Him. You can cry, scream, be sad, or whatever you need to do to help you cope, just please DON’T GIVE UP! #FromLonerToLeader
I can’t say I know how one feels when locked up behind bars. However, I can definitely relate to someone who feels or has ever felt trapped inside of their own mind. It’s an invisible box that keeps you trapped and stuck between four walls. There’s nowhere to go and no room to move. This was me for twelve years. I was not only trapped inside a box but I was suffocating from depression, emotional abuse, suicidal thoughts & attempts, anger, bitterness, and guilt. A rage had built up inside of me so strong that anything could set it off. I am grateful to God for allowing me to regurgitate this madness and begin the process of healing. I started this process about five months ago. I caution those who are ready to be free to embrace yourself because it’s going to be a bumpy ride. The process of healing doesn’t happen overnight and Tinkerbell doesn’t come and sprinkle fairy dust over you and the pain magically disappears. On the contrary, you have to first admit the pain and accept that you have experienced it. Many emotions arise like anger, guilt, frustration, confusion, and sadness. For me this was the hardest part. I would cry out of the blue or remember something and get angry. I felt like dying because the pain was too much to bear. I was a walking zombie living in darkness too afraid to see the light. Thank God for my family. You definitely need a support team when going through this process. Once you make it past this step you’re able to think clearly. You can now see what you can do to change and better your situation. Forgiveness is possible at this point and you realize no one is to blame. Everything happens for a reason and God allows things to take place in our lives to test us and show us who He is. Freedom is the final step towards healing. Here is where you can begin your journey towards happiness and fulfill the plan that God has for your life. I don’t care what anyone says you need God and a support team in order to truly be free. Trust me it feels good to be free. Only when you’re truly ready to take this step can God meet you half way. I’m not all the way there yet but I’m not where I started. My path is clear and I can see the light. I want to live and I know I have purpose. So I say to you be strong, be courageous, trust God, encourage yourself, choose life, choose freedom, and find your happiness. Peace & Blessings #FromLonerToLeader
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From Loner To Leader 