Accepting Reality

When I first became homeless last May 2010, I was devastated. Of course, I had only had my own place for a few months and the 12 years prior I had been bouncing from one relative’s home to the next.  I thought the year 2008 was tough when I got kicked out four times and had to move four times during that year.  But this was by far the most devastating homeless situation ever.  Thank God I only had to sleep in my car a few nights because I could only imagine how people survive this situation for weeks, months, and years at a time.  I didn’t want to share my fate with anyone at first because I felt it was a secret between God and me.  I didn’t want anyone to jeopardize my blessing because I was holding on to my faith and a promise that God had made through the prophet. I shared with three young people my situation and they understood and stood in faith with me.  That’s exactly what I needed at the time, some believers and some people to stand with me.  There were people who had offered me a place to stay that would require me to move but those who didn’t want me to move didn’t offer me a place to stay.  I made the wrong choice to stay however, it worked out for my good.  I ended up staying with my grandmother for fall semester at her senior apartments with permission from the manager. God had given me a ram in the bush.  It wasn’t the best accommodations but it beat sleeping in my car and all those long nights on the chairs at the church.  At least it was a couch until I could purchase an air mattress.  For the most part I was content, and then the healing process began.  Facing reality was tough because I had to look at how stupid I was and relive all the times I placed myself in a position to be used by people and get nothing or little in return.  I had to be reminded of all the negative things they said to me and how they made me feel.  I worked like a slave often referring to myself as Cinderella.  This couldn’t possibly be the life God had chosen for me to live.  It seemed like everyone else around me was prospering in some ways and I was being pushed aside and forgotten.  I felt like I had done way more for people than they had yet God was blessing them with things I too desired and felt I deserved.  After God used the prophets to speak into my life on last year I felt that I needed to get closer to God and do everything it took to make those prophecies a reality.  The closer I got to God the more I accepted my homeless reality.  I had hit rock bottom and I had nowhere to turn but to God.  God opened a few doors for me and I was accepted into the prestigious Pepperdine University for their Master’s degree program.  I was elated yet troubled because I had no job, no money saved, and nowhere to live.  I had published my first book but didn’t know if or when I would receive any money from it because it was even available for purchase yet. I came to LA with $80 and everything I owned fit into my Dodge Neon 2000. I came with purpose, a dream, a promise, and a desire for a fresh start.  I lost so much over this 12 year span and felt I had gained so little in return.

Upon arrival I found an email in my box from my cousin that stated I could stay with her for free until school started in January.  I was humble and thankful to God because He had provided a place for me to stay. Those weeks were relaxing and difficult at the same time.  I spent most days in bed because I had gotten sick and it rained for two weeks straight.  It was time for school and Van Nuys was a distance between Irvine but I had faith that God would provide just as he did when I came to LA.  I ended up in my car that first night, freezing half to death. I cried some, prayed some, worried some but came to the conclusion that it was my fate and that when God finished making me and proving me He would bless me with the houses He promised to give me. Thank God my sisters got the message from God and they scraped up their last to provide me with gas and money for a hotel. Finally, my financial aid had come although less than what I expected, but enough to survive for the semester.  I got screwed over by my landlord and I ended up staying in hotels and then at my classmates home because he refused to return my money because he didn’t provide a livable home for me.  Can you say frustrating?  At this point I really felt like I was becoming the Children of Israel but I didn’t want to be in the wilderness too long so I made an effort to be positive and if I was going to accept that good that God allowed then I must accept the bad. I read some more of Job, focused on my prophecies and tried my best to do well in school. The semester ended and another blow hit that I shared in another blog message about being accused of stealing. Once I made it home to my mommy everything in my head started to work out. My mommy is a great encourager and she gave me the tools I was lacking from the wisdom God has blessed her with to help me stay focused so I could receive my blessings.  I am currently living in an extended stay America hotel and I am very happy. I do desire my own place but it could be worst. I did have to give up more belongings to empty my car but let’s face it I wasn’t even using half that stuff. The awesome news is that God has been blessing me in many other ways and has promised to still bless me with my home which I can’t wait to share. I am traveling to New York
tonight for five days, then Reno next week; I will be going to Orlando, Florida and Hawaii in August and possibly Chicago.  I have some ½ carat diamond earrings, a brand new red Wii, an Android phone, an Mp3 touch player, a kindle, some new shoes, clothes, and purses, and I am working out at Curves to get my body back into shape and lose these 100lbs that I gained over the last 12 years because of my depression and low self-esteem. So you see I may have been through the storm and rain but things are beginning to look up for me. I know my situation wasn’t meant to harm me or bring me down but to make me strong and be a living witness to others. I have accomplished a lot over the years whether I ever receive recognition or not I know that God sees and knows all and that all of my blessings that have been stored up are now getting ready to pour down and I’m about to be blessed beyond my wildest imagination. So I encourage you to hold on to God and find your reality, face it, accept it, and then move forward. Peace & Blessings #FromLonerToLeader